The Night Before (1988)

Here's something that I effing love, 80s movies!

What most people deem as relevant today, is not relevant to me. A toilet will always be relevant though, because you can flush shit down it.

I've only ever half-seen this movie, "The Night Before". Now I was finally able to view it after so many years, let's not get into how many. Okay?

Keanu Reeves, 'Winston' (he's supposed to be a dweeb, but it's Hollywood bullshit-propaganda at work here), wakes up in an alley, in an ugly 1970s looking white, prom tuxedo. Starting off in a dream sequence, which a lot of movies used to do. And I liked that. My mind recoils the memory of the opening scene to "Risky Business" here. Movies are dreams, sorry, SPOILER ALERT, on most movies. Because most movies have dream logic, which is anything goes. Do you ever wonder why none of it makes sense? Well, q it up to dream logic, which is whatever-logic, uh, non-logic. Raped logic, oh boy. Hey, who cares, a suspension of your normcore belief system. He's dreaming of sleeping in his bed - like I tend to do when I'm drunk and absconded in the city - but he's actually sleeping in the gutter. I'd rather review the movie "After Hours", but I really wanted to review this, for some reason, do not know why. Oh right, because I was finally able to watch it.

Michael J. Fox in his sort-of, first dramatic role. His best dramatic role. He should have done more dramatic roles. That's a shame. Oh wait, that's "Bright Lights Big City". And I really want to review that one. But I probably won't.

"I don't really like the meta-comedy you're doing, just review the damn movie already, fuck-dude!"

Oh-alright.

The funk band that play in the club he brings his prom date to is really-really good. I have to IMDB who they are on the soundtrack. Unbeknownst to Winston, he gets roofied by the president from "The Fifth Element", because he used to be a bartender, and I think he was a wrestler at one point, I could be wrong, but I think I saw him VS. Hulk Hogan on something, because I was searching 80s movies (because I'm trying to see all the ones I missed thus far). Anyway, he gets a beverage with drugs in it, and I kind of like this scene, even though it's horrible to do to a young person. Please don't drug people's drinks! In a way, it can be murder. But he deals with it well by talking to inanimate things and then he breaks out into some dance moves. No idea why, but that happens. And he gets really confused and ultimately sells his prom date to a pimp. Oops.



"Go out and find her? We're only talking about 400 square miles of city".

So, he has to find her in the city. Looks like New York, but I guess it's LA because he mentions being from the valley.

The city is dirty as hell. I really wouldn't want to be stuck downtown there.

There's tons of funk music in this movie, that I fucking love! As a cracker, I enjoy it muchly. But that's mean to me, because black people love me and I love them too. Very nice people in my experience. Beautiful people. And I usually speak my mind to anybody of color, and they're quite responsive and usually like me for it.  Let's break the racial barriers here, and no spesh treatment, other than mutual respect. No walking on eggshells, or PC bullshit. I said fuck off to the PC police in the 90s, and I guess I have to do it again, SHEESH.



Back to the movie, Winston gets caught up with this guy named Teedo, and everyone fears Teedo in the city. Huge gangbanger I guess. Too intense for an 18 year old to deal with. Winston called him an idiot..when he was high though. And now they're supposed to meet and rumble at some point. Like, give me a break, who cares? It's a kid. Not worth you troubling your fragile ego over. Old women wore a lot of makeup then, which I think is kind of cool. So, he ends up in a grandmother's house for some reason. Turns into being a whorehouse though. GREAT MOVIE TO PLAY DURING THE DAY ON TV FOR ALL YOUNG KIDS TO SEE, LIKE ME WHEN I WAS A KID. He gets some promising information and then he pays some Mexican a hundred dollars to drive him around, because he still has money from when he sold his prom date. Which isn't in his best interest to spend. Would be my bro-advice to him, if I was there, as his 3rd wheel. I'd love that, more interesting than shit going on in today's youth circles.

So, he's hauling ass to Hotel River's to stop some dirty pimp from "testing out the merchandise". Yikes. This would be the other pimp handler, Fat Jack. And Winston got himself a change of clothing, because he just randomly bought clothing off the street and he got himself a piece, he's packing now, but it's a lighter gun. Whatever, anything may help him. Am I still watching this movie as I write this? Yeah, I am. Young people were put into adult situations at very young ages then, this helped them to develop more, not infantilize them. (Fuck You Marvel and Spiderman for always being so young and naive and pathetic!) Which is our modern, snowflake culture. What am I giving a history lesson? Yeah, I guess.

The number ten is seen a lot in this movie, maybe referring to Keanu as the new golden boy for Hollywood cinema. You see, when an actor starts out, they tell them to do a bunch of shit, get your gills wet and you can become something later, as a hot commodity for the corporations. The prized pony. Is it all contrived in Hollyweird? Of course it is.

To wrap things up for the movie, there's a high-speed chase, that always happens, and blah-blah-blah everything is as it was wrapped in a nice little bow.

Uh, what?!

Okay, so the movie ends and no one really cares.

I was always grossed out by him throwing water on his face from a rusty old barrel in the alleyway. Ever since I was a kid I was like, dude, yuck! There's probably pigeon shit in that! And the rust. I was always paranoid about rust.

Oh right! I enjoyed the movie. Almost forgot to mention that.

In online reviews it's so darn polarizing.

Written by Fil Mouth